The Winning Voice

Best in class communication techniques from Michael Kelly

Let the other person blow their stack

“Well sir I really can’t get mad at a fellow like that. You see, he really isn’t mad at me. I was just the scapegoat. The poor fellow may be in bad trouble with his wife, or his business may be off, or maybe he feels inferior and this was his golden chance to feel like a wheel.

I’m just the guy who gave him a chance to get something out of his system. Underneath he’s probably a very nice guy. Most folks are. The way to win in situations like the above is to let the other fellow blow his stack and then forget it.”

This above is a passage from David Schwartz’s landmark book, The Magic of Thinking Big. The passage refers to a hotel front desk person explaining why he handled an irate, abusive guest with composure and dignity.

This passage relates to a phrase a friend of mind shared with me a number of years ago. Namely: ‘He or she who loses their cool, loses’. It also reinforces the view, that dignity, is the best response when other people have lost their cool.

Many of you may have read the book.

Here are my other take-away points from the book:

– To think confident, act confidently.

– Intense Goals keep a person alive.

– Destroy negative thoughts before they become mental monsters. Most people create a museum of mental horror in their minds and feel obliged to make regular visits to it.

– Let negatives shrivel up and the positives bloom.

– How to put people (even high profile people and luminaries) in proper perspective: Get a balanced view of the other fellow. The other fellow is important. Every person is. But remember this, also. You are important, too.

So when you meet another person, make it a policy to think: ‘We’re just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit’.

This mutually important attitude helps you keep the situation balanced. The other fellow does not become too important – relative to you – in your thinking.

– If you’ve got a decision to make (eg. accept a low paid job) ask yourself. ‘Will this thing etc help take me where I want to go? If your answer is ‘yes’, press head. If ‘No’ back off.

– The biggest and most rewarding investment, is self-investment.

Your Call to action/How to apply for this post: In the next seven days, with every person you interact with, operate with the following ‘policy’ mind: ‘We’re just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit’.

2 Comments

  • John Groarke

    April 30, 2015, 9:52 am

    Great post Michael. And the key phrase for me is “.. FORGET IT”. I don’t think ‘we’ do this often enough in business.

    • michael

      May 1, 2015, 6:49 am

      Thanks John. I agree

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